from now on my penis is your penis
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
