now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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