Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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