when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My brain says no but my pants say off.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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