The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
