bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Found your dick twin last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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