i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
too bad you live with your parents still
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
