I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
