Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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