nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
