just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
