No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
