Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
