no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
