We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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