you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
