oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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