oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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