I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
