just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
