That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
