Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
