Ketchup is God's man juice
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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