Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
