Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
