I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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