i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
