Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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