So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't turn off my feet"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
