what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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