Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
