Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
