Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
