i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
