So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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