spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
