so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
