I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
