i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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