You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
