i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
