Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
