party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
