you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to make out with him forever
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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