Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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