In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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