I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
