If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
