You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think I won the penis lottery.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
