i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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