Someone shit on the floor
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
