Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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