id be glad to
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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