I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
