She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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