You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
