You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
