I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
